by Brian McCloskey
I invented the bloody bag. It hurts not to be wanted. Potatoes that play the bagpipes. What’s your name? Amanda, you leave the skin on the chicken. This is why I wish I was an elephant. Can I have a dress or a skirt? It’s more hygienic in bottles. Who’ll offer me the love I crave? Look at me. Go upstairs and kiss the ghost. There are no grammar schools in Wales. I think I just fell in love with you all over again. Looks like the daughter is the other way round. And the squirrels keep my blue clothes warm. Everyone needs someone, I just need you. In a kiss there is love. Under the chocolate coin of the sun. My wife lectures in bra and knickers. Anticipating kissing is scarier than doing it. Humps for 130 metres. Apparently you have to take your stockings off with your teeth. My bum’s in the custard. My love is burning me down. That’s the leg of honour and glory. We’re just hanging out by the spoons. Choose the word which best describes your pain. You find women sexy and attractive, and you want to have a girlfriend. This isn’t my laundry. The circle is not round. Compared to obsession, all other love seems humdrum and mundane.