Posted 11:54 AM by Brian McCloskey
DECEMBER 1992
And this is where the story really starts. There’s gonna be women with this column. You follow the rabbit; I’ll backtrack the girl. I gotta get my heart started again. Buffalo Bill goes ice skating. I can always go through life sideways. Thank God this isn’t television. I wish I could sleep like normal people. He just ended a sentence with a preposition. I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone. Suddenly getting an erection by the Hobnobs. Part 2 of 2. I get a lot of pleasure out of my choirs. Can we kill the angels? I got bad things coming out of every part of my body. Who are these two approaching the Upper Trout Hatchery? It’s not the thing you fling, it’s the fling itself. I have cheese in my pocket. They have to be black and have shiny thighs. The dirtiest socks in the whole of Edinburgh. I know you’re both mad about beekeeping. Guys like you don’t die on toilets. You take the other from the outer and make it part of the inner. Give me one big kiss and hold it a long long time. I need a blindfold and three sharp cleavers. I’m fighting a powerful impulse to beat the hell out you. This is my toilet. I have a chicken in my icebox and you’re eating it. Have you ever tried to get a chestnut into a cat? She has a curve. I want to destroy her; I want to fold her in two; I want to make her suffer.